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Why Saying No Can Be Good for Your Relationship
Kathleen Maiman • March 11, 2020
No. We’ve all heard it before, but this simple word holds so much power. Yet, when it comes to relationships, no is often seen as a negative word.
Couples may see no as a restrictive, one-sided word. But is this a fair way to view the word no?
The answer is simply, no.
The Problem With Always Saying Yes
The idea of saying yes to every request your partner makes seems easy, especially if you experience a lot of conflict in your relationship.
You may think that by saying yes, you’re avoiding a potential fight and making your partner happy. And while this may be true in the short term, the long-term impacts can negatively affect your relationship.
Saying yes can lead to resentment in your relationship, and no relationship can survive if it’s built on resentment and frustration. Catering to your partner's needs can actually cause you to lose your identity—making you known as a couple and less as two individuals in a relationship.
That’s not to say you should never say yes. After all, relationships are built on healthy compromise. But saying yes should never come at the cost of your identity and happiness in the situation.
So, what can you do?
The Importance of Saying No
A healthy relationship must be based on communication, compromise, and the ability for both partners to respect each other’s decisions. Without this mutual respect, a relationship will struggle to grow.
Saying no is a healthy part of any relationship because it establishes boundaries. And without these boundaries, you may be hurting your relationship.
You shouldn’t mistake boundaries as a bad thing that are damaging your relationship. Instead, they should be seen as an extension of your partner’s needs. These boundaries are a definition of who they are, their needs, and they are a powerful tool that you can use to explore and shape your relationship
as you grow together as a couple.
Remember, everyone’s needs change over time. It’s perfectly healthy for a partner’s needs to change. You may find that your sexual needs have changed, that you no longer like that TV show you bonded over, or hate a certain type of food that you used to love.
There’s nothing wrong with change, and learning to say no is the most powerful form of communication.
Why Is Saying No Is a Powerful Form of Communication?
The key to successfully navigating boundaries is to establish them in the first place. By saying no, your partner will know when something is off limits or goes against your needs.
It can also reduce tension
in the relationship because you won’t be left guessing when your partner doesn’t like something like you would if they said yes all the time and slowly became resentful.
For many, saying no is the simplest way to empower yourself and communicate your needs directly. Don’t look at the word no as something negative. See it for what it is, a simple, yet empowering word.
Need Help Learning to Say No In Your Relationship?
Every relationship needs boundaries—but finding the right approach to set them takes patience and understanding.
Kathleen Maiman is a registered psychotherapist and certified Imago relationship therapist
that specializes in helping couples overcome barriers and promote an empathetic approach to their relationships.
Are you interested in learning more about the power of boundaries in your relationship? Contact The Love of Attraction
today by calling 403-809-8282
or by emailing [email protected].
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