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Love is in the Air – How Is Your Connection This Valentine’s Day?
Kathleen Maiman • February 11, 2020
The following is adapted from The Four Sacred Secrets – For Love and Prosperity - A Guide to Living in a Beautiful State by Preethaji and Krishnaji
Who among us has not hoped to meet a person whose presence we can be completely vulnerable? Who hasn’t dreamed of a relationship where there is no pressure to be a particular way, but rather a thrill of being together and a deep appreciation of one another? Who has not yearned for the kind of love that fills your soul? Such love arises not because two people share the same tastes, passions, or interests.
It happens when two people awaken to the beautiful state of connection.
What Is Connection?
A state of connection
is free of all expectation; it’s the elixir of life. It’s the silent power that helps us navigate the most pressing of challenges and conquer them. This beautiful state of connection is possible for all of us when we make peace with ourselves, our past, and present.
So, how do we experience it?
We must break free from the entanglements of old hurts and disappointments and resentments. We must have a shared commitment to our growth and healing and mutual evolution. It’s when we truly embrace ourselves and accept ourselves that we can accept the other and feel accepted by the other.
If we become free of our own grievances against the other and within ourselves, we can live in a state of connection.
Letting Go of the Fairy Tale
Many of us know how thrilling the early days of a relationship can be. We are drugged on a chemical cocktail of love drugs known as dopamine, oxytocin, testosterone, and norepinephrine, making the early days an exhilarating experience.
Sooner or later, reality will set in, and we will see our partner for who they really are. We go from “I can’t live without you” to “I’m no longer in love with you.”
Why does someone we were once head over heels in love with suddenly reveal themselves to be insensitive, annoying, or boring? Why does this relationship, which very often starts with the promise of great love, fizzle out into frustration? How do our dreams of love become a nightmare we so urgently want to awaken from?
The reason: we tell ourselves it clearly was them, not me! If only the other person were a little more caring, more responsive, sensitive, more romantic, more responsible, the relationship could have survived. Isn’t this how most of us think?
Diving Deeper Into The Fairy Tale
Our initial excitement about a new romance can often mask warning signs that we are bringing old hurts into a new relationship. As soon as the fairy dust of the honeymoon phase wears off, it’s only a matter of time before a careless word or act from our new partner tears out the sutures we hoped would keep all that hurt from spilling out. The pain soon becomes overwhelming, and the cycle of heartbreak begins anew.
To make matters worse, each new heartbreak chips away at our ability to trust and be vulnerable. We begin to question our choices, and we begin to question ourselves.
We may wear the mask of self-sufficiency and independence, but underneath many brave exteriors, you will find a person who was hurt so deeply that they do not want to risk opening themselves up to such pain again.
If we do not free ourselves from the pain of our past relationships, we run the risk of playing out the same patterns and creating further drama and challenges. Triggered by actions or events that bring up painful memories, we get sucked into a very dangerous and destructive loop.
Think about a current or past relationship. It could be a relationship
with a spouse or partner, one with a child or parent, or one with a friend or colleague – any relationship that truly matters to you. Ask yourself:
- Why did I partner with this person?
- What is the basis of our relationship?
- What kind of foundation does our relationship stand on?
- Am I in a relationship because I fear loneliness and long for some desperate security or acceptance, or it’s based on a rich sense of connection?
Do not judge yourself. Just simply accept whatever answers arise.
If your relationships are founded on external factors, we can be sure that they are fragile; such a relationship will collapse with the slightest tremor. Our hearts vacillate with every challenge, and we start doubting our choice in a partner. Lacking the soul-nourishing internal state of connection, we feel as if we are wasting our time on our partners.
Sometimes we start a new relationship largely because we are holding onto hurt from a previous relationship or because we are feeling lonely and bored. The newness of the relationship might keep the loneliness and hurt at bay for a little while, but it’s only a matter of time before the same state of being will surface in this new relationship.
You cannot enter a relationship to end your unhappiness. You can only enter it to share the fullness of your being.
Relationships break not because attraction fades, but because we have gotten used to being self-obsessed and move from a state connection to disconnection. Taking a relationship beyond attraction to enduring love and connection is only possible when we move from our habitual self-preoccupation to “other-centeredness.” It’s through being present with the other and feeling the other; their pain, joy, excitement, sadness, and other feelings that love emerges.
An Exercise for Reflecting On Your Relationship
Think of someone you love and care for in your life. Take a couple of deep breaths while holding this personal image in your heart. Close your eyes and stay still for a few seconds. Allow yourself to feel whatever may arise, be it the beautiful states of connection, excitement, and peace and joy, or the stressful states of loneliness, hurt, boredom, and indifference. Calmly smile as you recognize your inner state.
A relationship survives disappointments, endures challenges, and flourishes only when both partners share a vision for their mutual inner state of being. Having a vision for this well-being in a calm, connected state can save numerous marriages
and friendships, heal the hearts of parents and children, creating a true culture of cooperation and appreciation.
Looking for That Spark This Valentine’s Day? Contact Love of Attraction
Happy Valentine’s Day, and may you take the time to reflect on your inner state. Are you coming from a beautiful state of connection, or are you coming from a lonely, hurt state? The power is in you and was never outside of you! May you relish in the enjoyment of yourselves and each other.
For more information on
couples counseling or couples’ and individuals’
weekend retreats , call me at
403-809-8282 or
email me .
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