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How to Find Power Balance in Your Relationship
Kathleen Maiman • February 10, 2020
A common reason why many people seek couples counseling
is the all too common power imbalance that exists in many relationships.
Power imbalances in relationships are surprisingly common. Balanced relationships are all about give and take. If one member of a couple feels they are giving too much, resentment can begin to fester, and tensions within the relationship can begin to rise.
This article will help you identify an unhealthy power dynamic and give you some advice on how to tackle it in a constructive way, whether that’s through self-reflection, compromise, or couples counseling.
Understanding the Importance of Gender
If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, it’s likely that the man in the relationship will wield more power. This is because social conventions teach us that this imbalanced version of a relationship is the correct version.
Even if the man in the relationship doesn’t believe that a woman’s place is “in the kitchen” or “with the children,” the convention is deeply ingrained in most people’s minds. This can often result in a power imbalance that follows the traditional housewife structure.
Identifying an Unhealthy Dynamic in Your Relationship
If you’re concerned that your relationship has become imbalanced and unhealthy, look out for these warning signs.
You Feel the Need to Please
Many people who assume the subordinate role within a relationship will constantly feel the need to please their other half. You may find yourself going out of your way to do them favours, or to keep them happy throughout the day.
While pleasing and helping your partner is a wonderful, healthy practice, it only works when your partner returns the favour. If you find yourself trying to please your partner in the hopes that your efforts will one day be noticed and appreciated, you may be operating within an unhealthy dynamic.
You Sense a Lack of Respect
If your partner mocks or ridicules your hobbies, friends, or ideas, this is a sign your partner doesn’t respect you. A lack of respect in a relationship is incredibly dangerous, as it can lead to a dynamic that isn’t normal.
When you don’t feel respected, you will not be able to communicate openly with your partner. Resentment and tension will gradually increase in the relationship until you reach an inevitable breaking point.
You Are Working Harder
If you feel that your workload around the house is much greater than your partner’s, ask yourself how this pattern has developed. If your partner has assigned you with too many chores or tasks, he or she may be inadvertently placing you in a subordinate role.
The role of work involves both partners. Both the primary breadwinner and the supportive spouse play important roles in maintaining a healthy balance in a relationship. It’s common for the supporting partner to feel frustrated when the primary breadwinner fails to do their part around the home.
A healthy relationship requires teamwork and communication, and this means accepting that both roles are challenging, that both individuals are valuable, and finding a suitable way to compromise and understand each other.
Changing the Power Dynamic of Your Relationship
If you’re concerned about the power dynamic in your relationship, it’s crucial that you take steps to solve this issue. Many people make the mistake of ignoring the fact that their relationship dynamic is unhealthy, hoping that it will rebalance by itself.
The only real solution to an imbalance in a relationship is communication. It’s possible that your partner is unaware of how you feel. Broach the subject calmly and provide some examples of how his or her actions have made you feel subordinate.
Try not to play the blame game. Think of instances when you should have spoken up in the past. Take ownership of the ways in which your actions have also contributed to your current dynamic.
Be sure to listen to your partner's feelings about the dynamic. Try to see things from their perspective, and you will have a greater understanding of how this dynamic was formed in the first place.
Love of Attraction Couples Counseling: Start Your Transformation Today
Is your relationship in need of some rebalancing? My couples counseling program is designed to help you understand the strengths or weaknesses of your relationship through an empathetic approach.
Kathleen Maiman is a registered psychotherapist and a certified Imago relationship therapist. Contact her today by calling 403-809-8282
to learn how you can save your relationship.
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