If You Want to Improve Your Relationship, Start By Having a Positive Perspective

All couples go through difficulties in their relationship. Some issues will be minor, others may be catastrophic.

What is Perspective in a Relationship?

Perspective in the relationship sense is the way you view your partner. Everything from their ideas to their beliefs and opinions. So if you’re wondering how to be happy in a relationship, the perspective you have of your partner is key to finding that happiness.

What is the Positive Perspective?

Your reactions to problems in your relationship are largely based on the perspectives you have. If you approach stressful situations with a negative attitude, you can imagine how the conflict will go. The opposite would be true if you approach a negative situation with a positive attitude.

The term Negative Sentiment Override (NSO), coined by Drs.John and Julie Gottman, is the distorted view of your significant other that causes you to see all their experiences as negative. Even the positive or neutral ones. Also known as the negative perspective, this type of thinking doesn’t give your partner any benefit of the doubt. 

Those not happy in the relationship will often have Negative Perspectives that stem from feeling misunderstood, wronged, or accused, and this leads them to immediately become defensive during conflict.

On the other hand, positive perspective, or Positive Sentiment Override (PSO), is seeing your significant other in a positive light, regardless of the conflict taking place. It’s the ability to maintain a positive outlook about one another and the relationship. Positive thoughts are usually so prevalent that they override any negative emotions or ill will feelings toward your significant other. 

Having a positive perspective requires some work, but there’s some good news—it’s something that you and your partner can work on together in your daily life. Small changes and positive attitude make healthier relationships.

Why is it Important to Have a Positive Perspective?

Having a positive perspective is integral to the longevity of your relationship. When you think of your partner in a more positive way, and choose to adopt a positive attitude you can work toward solving difficult situations more effectively and will have an easier time reducing escalating conflict. These are important features that not only contribute to a healthy and successful relationship, but also couples who choose positive thinking experience many health benefits in their personal life.

What Makes a Relationship Healthy?

Maintaining a healthy relationship involves honesty, respect, trust, effort, compromise, solid communication, and having positive perspectives between partners. 

There are 3 ways to change (or maintain, depending on which side you’re on) the perspective you have of your significant other:

1. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Like you, your partner has ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. And they likely just want to be heard. So when they share this information with you, how much are you actually absorbing? If you really want to understand your partner’s perspective, it’s important to learn how to listen so you can communicate more effectively. 

When you become a better listener, it’s easier to allow your partner’s beliefs, thoughts, and ideas to influence your own. When you have conflict in the relationship, you have a choice: you can either hold things against your partner, or you can take on a more positive perspective and accept what you can’t change. Accepting your partner means accepting their influence when trying to resolve conflict. 

2. Make Them Feel Appreciated

Even through the conflicts, you’ll have certain things that you appreciate about your partner. It’s important to share these features with them so they know you’re paying attention—big things, little things, and everything in between.

Showing admiration for your significant other can influence a more positive perspective. What makes them special? What great things do they bring to your life?

3. Deepen Your Emotional Connection

Dr. Gottman suggests turning toward your partner to increase your emotional connection. When you turn toward and interact directly with your partner via eye contact, smiling, or by validating their response, you’re engaging with a Positive Perspective that shows your partner you value their being and what they have to say. 

Turn towards your partner by engaging in deeper, more meaningful conversations. Do this by asking open-ended questions. But for this exercise to be successful, you need to be truly interested in their answers. Here are some examples: 

• What are you happy about right now?
• Name 3 things I do that you couldn’t live without?
• Is there something I could do tomorrow that will improve your day?
• If you could have a magical power, what would it be and why?

Work with an licensed relationship therapist to find your positive perspective

Learning to value, respect, and validate your partner’s feelings will help build a deeper relationship. If your relationship is lacking in one or more of these avenues, and you feel like you’ve exhausted all hope, it may be time to consider relationship counselling. 

Using the positive perspective technique, Love of Attraction offers online relationship counselling that can teach you how to be more positive and happy in a relationship. 

Learn more about our individual and couples counselling sessions today