How to Be a Better Listener In Your Relationship

Has your partner ever complained that you’re not listening? On the flip side, have you ever felt as if they weren’t paying attention in spite of their silent nods? 

Listening isn’t always as easy as it seems. And yet, learning how to listen properly can help you in every aspect of your life, including at work, among friends, and especially in your relationship. So listen carefully—here are a few tips on how to be a pro listener. 

1. Be Present

You can tell when someone isn’t listening to you. Whether it’s the distant look in their eye or their impatient body language, it’s easy to know when someone’s simply waiting for you to finish speaking so that they can make their point. This is often what happens when couples argue—one person waits for the other to finish without listening. 

Real listening takes place when you don’t know what you’re going to say in response. Thinking about your response sends a message in itself—one that says you’re truly listening. Step one to being a better listener is to feel comfortable not knowing what you’re going to say next and focusing on what is being said. 

Another type of absent listener is the distracted listener. This is someone who has their phone or monitor in front of them or their chair turned around. A distracted listener could be facing you while thinking about their next meeting or an upcoming deadline. When having a conversation with your partner, try to get rid of all distractions and fully focus on what your partner is saying. 

2. Be Empathetic 

Listening is all about empathy. You are trying to put yourself in another person’s shoes, to understand their frustrations, share their joys, and accompany them through whatever emotions they’re grappling with. This also means that true listening occurs in the absence of judgement. 

Just like it’s easy to tell when someone isn’t listening, it’s just as easy to tell when someone is judging you. When your focus has shifted toward judgement, you send all sorts of subtle yet telltale nonverbal cues that betray your stance, causing the person you’re speaking with to shut down. In contrast, when you enter a discussion with the goal of understanding your partner’s perspective, they’re more likely to open up to you while trusting what you have to say in response.

3. Express Interest

The best conversations don’t have a designated audience. In reality, the best listeners are active in showing their interest, whether in the form of periodic questions or gentle, constructive challenges. A two-way dialogue shows your partner that you care about what they have to say, even if you’re simply asking them to clarify what they mean. 

Great listeners make the conversation a positive experience—when possible, of course. Comments that make the other person feel supported and understood in everyday conversations lay the foundation for serious discussions in which issues and differences can be openly addressed. 

4. Learn to Listen With Couples Counselling 

Are you having trouble getting your feelings across to your partner without igniting an argument or backing down from your own point of view? The Love of Attraction couple’s counseling sessions with registered psychotherapist Kathleen Maiman can help you feel heard, supported, and confident in your relationship. 

Find out more about the couples therapy and counselling services offered by clicking here. Feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions.