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Be a Safe Harbour for Each Other This Holiday Season
Kathleen Maiman • December 14, 2015
With the season upon us, the experience can be alive with energy as well as overwhelming for many. There are those who love the Holiday season and those who don’t.
Depending on memories from our past – unresolved family feelings may arise and occur.
So, what can you do as a couple to maintain the integrity of your relationship when the “going gets tough”.
Remember who each other is: You are allies, not enemies.
Be mindful of not throwing each other “under the bus” when it comes to family dramas and dynamics. Your partner is important and is there to help. Remember you left home already and your partner is your family and home now.
Have understanding for your partner when they go into back into their Family of Origin.
For some, going home can bring forth an age regression. By being around your families, you experience yourself with the feelings and experience of being 5 years old instead of 45. Be compassionate when your partner goes through this process and don’t take it personally. Sometimes, we need to revisit these old places again and again to realize where we are. Be there as a support and remind them… “You are there for them”.
Have an Exit plan:
Have a prior plan and/or signal to when one or both of you is ready to leave. Have this organized prior to going to seeing family members on either side so that there is a mutually decided upon agreement when you are leaving.
Take time for yourselves to connect:
With the busy holiday season, we can often forget about each other and avoid making each other a priority. This leads to anger, resentment, and withdrawal from each other. Plan those downtimes to cuddle, connect and tell each other how much you mean to each other. Say it with words vs. presents (unless your partner’s love language is GIFTS)
Be that SAFE Harbour of emotional connection for one another.
Overwhelm and the stresses of feelings, emotions are bound to rise up to the surface. It is natural. Listen to him/her empathically…ask – How can I help? Say… I am here to help! That will often allow the high emotions to subside and cease.
And above all – Be Grateful!
Share your Gratitude with your LOVED ones. This opens the heart when we acknowledge what we have versus what we don’t have!
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With the holiday season upon us, aliveness and energy is in the air. The season can also be fraught with frenzy and heightened emotions. It is not uncommon for couples to be overwhelmed or disconnected during the holidays, especially if one or both of the partners gets triggered by certain events. The added stress can create relationship strife and difficulties.
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