5 Holiday Tips: (Ways to Preserve Your Relationship and its Connectedness)

You can be Right or you can be in Relationship.

This holiday, seek to preserve your relationship and the connection between you and your beloved by choosing to be in relationship versus being right. Things may come up over the holidays. For example: old hurts, wounds and injuries or just differences in opinion. Let go of being “right” and making your partner wrong. You may say: “Honey: you are correct, I was that way and I am here now. I intend to have an awesome holiday with you”. Validating your partner and not making them wrong is a good tool to

preserve your wonderful connection.

Protect your relationship from THIRDS.

Who are those thirds? In-laws, children, step-children, parents, co-workers, and friends. Others that do not belong in the space between you. Therefore, lovingly push them out from the being in the middle. Both of you allow them to come in, so no fault here, ie when the couple bubble window opens, they float in. So, make a conscious effort to have the just two of you in your ‘couple bubble’ versus filled with THIRDS.

Make TIME for each other

Yes, this is a busy time of the year! Parties, shopping, visiting, seeing others. Our partner, the one we care about most can feel neglected, abandoned or rejected during this holiday season. By making quality time, you mitigate a future divorce. Yes, I am serious. It is well documented that in January and February, visits to the divorce lawyer increase as people become disillusioned with one another during the festivities. Preserve your relationship and make some QUALITY time, just the two of you over the holiday season. 

Be Mindful of Your Alcohol Intake

Increasing our consumption of spirits goes with the season; however, the impact on your relationship can be destructive. Using mood altering substances can escape feelings of anxiety or unworthiness, however, can also create distance between couples. Just being mindful of your alcohol intake will allow you to stay present to what you are experiencing versus escaping. Inform you partner what you are feeling versus mood altering and gain their loving support. It will bring you closer.  

Be a GOOD listener.

When you or your partner is upset this season, listen and be present to them. Also, listen for the vulnerability underneath their complaint. It may be worry, fear, sadness, disappointment, aloneness or a feeling of dismissal. Bring forth your curiousity and attend to them as you would to a scared, lonely or hurt child. This will foster a sense of safety, and reliance on one another.