It’s Not Your Partner’s Fault You’re Angry

According to Carol Gilligan, an American feminist, ethicist and psychologist “There is no voice without relationship and there is no relationship without voice.” Having a voice and being passionate, and being intense, is fine depending on how you voice it. And yes, it is good to voice how you feel in a relationship. Women, who suppress their voice in relationships, are four times more likely to die earlier than those who keep their feelings to themselves.

So, how do we express our feelings so they come across without blame? 

It’s very different, if you’re expressing anger or frustration with an ‘I’ statement that describes how you feel, as opposed to pointing a finger at your partner and describing them as flawed. 

Even if it’s not your proudest moment, owning your anger by saying, “I’m mad!” is okay, rather than saying, “You’re making me mad!”

 You may be angry—or sad, or jealous, or resentful, or any other emotion—and that’s fine, but your partner isn’t making you feel that way. It’s okay to feel angry, as long as you acknowledge and own that it’s your feeling.

Watch this funny and cute video with Brene Brown on Blame.