Marriage is a Benefit to Your Health!


It is well documented that people who are happily married live happier, healthier and wealthier lives. They have fewer psychological and physical disorders and have a longer life expectancy.

So, why is the divorce rate so high?

Couples will often leave at the darkest moment, just when things are about to change and the cycle is about to shift. Something is asking to change in the way the two people are relating and it is growth trying to happen. It will get better; however, the commitment to stay is necessary in order to reap the benefits.

Therefore stay in your marriage unless it is lethal to yourself or your kids.

The long term benefits of your marriage are helping you to heal your unfinished business that got activated from your relationships with caregivers and previous partners. The outcome of finishing this business is that you will recover your wholeness with relaxed joyfulness. But most of us can’t stand the pain in letting go of the old, well patterned survival protection strategies. We avoid, blame, shame, withdrawal, intimidate, and criticize our partners in the hopes of getting our needs met and maintaining a connection. We insist that they are intentionally hurting us and don’t realize that they are a mirror for what is trying to be healed. Our partner is our Imago (a composite picture of the positive and negative characteristics of those who loved and also hurt us.). Unconsciously, we have attracted him/her to finish the process and no longer live as children, but now as adults.

In romantic love, the early phase of relationship, the dopamine level is high and we merge and support each other’s world. After the glow is gone, we think we have married the wrong person and we decide to leave. It is at this time when the dopamine level goes down, that the real work begins. Before we know it, we have moved back into perception that his person is similar to our caretakers’ negative traits, the ones that are most influential. What needs to happen is to dissolve the frozen images of our past with awareness, and learn to stretch and grow into meeting our partner’s needs. This will activate those parts of us that were shut down from long ago and help us to reclaim our wholeness.

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