Imago Dialogue

Restructuring Frustrations or Opportunity to Share Something Important

 

Sender

Receiver

1. “I have something important to say about (state topic). Is this a good time?” 1. “Yes this is a good time…I am ready to hear you” or “No, I’ll be ready at…”(Give a time ASAP).
2. “I intend to stay connected to you during this Dialogue and I appreciate your willingness to listen.” 2. “I also intend to stay connected with you and appreciate your willingness to share a concern with me”
3. “What I’m concerned about is…(describe behavior).ie Walking out of the room when I am talking to you 3. MIRROR concern:,“I hear you say…. Have I got you? Is there more?”
4. “When that happens, I feel …(NB: feeling words are one syllable like sad, mad, angry etc.) 4. MIRROR feeling:,“I hear you say….Have I got you? Is there more?
5. “And then I react by….. 5. MIRROR reaction: “I hear you say….Have I got you? Is there more?
6. “And the story I tell myself is… 6. MIRROR the story: “I hear you say….Have I got you? Is there more?
7. “And what hurts me about this is… 7. MIRROR hurt: “I hear you say…Have I got you?,Is there more?”
8. “What I’m afraid of is …”(or concerned about)” 8. MIRROR fear:,“I hear you say. Have I got you?,Is there more?”
9. “What this feeling reminds me of from childhood is…” 9. MIRROR childhood memory:,“I hear you say….Have I got you?,Is there more?”
10. “What I desire is….” 10. MIRROR desire: “I hear you say….Have I got you? Is there more?
11. SUMMARIZE, when complete: “So, in summary…Is this a fair summary?”
11. Listen to summary checking for accuracy. “Yes, you got it all” (or) “You got part of it. The part I want you to also hear is…” 12. VALIDATION + OWNERSHIP: “You make sense and what makes sense is….and my contribution to this dance is….”
13. EMPATHY: “So I imagine you were feeling…..and now you might be feeling….Are these your feelings?”
12. “Thank you for listening”. 14. “Thank you for sharing.”