This Valentine’s Day – Be Fully Committed!

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This Valentine’s Day – instead of the standard flowers or chocolates, try on FULL COMMITMENT! We may complain an awful lot about how difficult it is to get our kids to put down their phones, but let’s face it – most adults have the same difficulty disengaging from technology. These small devices are getting in the way of our marriages and important relationships. Just notice the next time, you are out for dinner and the couples around you. They are not engaging with one another, they are interested in gazing at their phones. Robert will often say to me, why don’t you go over to them, tell them what you do, give them your business card and get them to turn towards and face each other? Like me, he knows how disconnecting it can feel when a partner is distracted and more interested in what is going on with their device. Hurt feelings can often rise which breeds discontent, anger, resentment resulting in movements of turning away. This leads to lasting problems for intimacy and connection and a decreased level of dissatisfaction in the relationship contributing to more feelings of anxiety and stress. What is more important, by not being present with one another, you are not attending to one another needs.

It is no surprise, that many people are dissatisfied in their relationships. Devices rank as high as financial problems, sex and child rearing problems. Looking at your phone, basically says, you are not important to me. So, what is the obvious solution? Put your phone down and turning it off is the best way to express your full commitment and gift your gift of presence. Some strategies to help you do this are:


Keep technology out of the bedroom and the dining room. Make it a hard and fast rule that there are no devices at the dinner or on our date night.


Keep your phone on mute when you’re spending time with your loved ones. This can help you stay immersed in the present moment rather than distracted by an incoming text or email. Turn notifications off to help keep your attention fully present.


Getting the latest update from your social network can help you reconnect with current and former friends, but don’t forget who is number one. You may have many friends on your Facebook, but having a real loving connected partner truly gives us pleasure and helps us to feel tethered. As for those friends, keep the relationships real by having face to face interaction.


Relationships take work and effort. Leaving a garden unattended, the weeds become overgrown and chaotic. Most couples don’t spend enough time with each other or communicate very well. Take a Relationship Retreat or spend time reading a love letter you wrote to your partner to re-ignite the spark of love. Spending real time… quality time enhances our well-being and restores our feelings and connectedness. Who wants to be an IPAD widow anyway?

Grass is Greener on the Other Side….Or is it?

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In relationship, we often compare ourselves to how others are doing, think we should be doing better than we are, or fantasize what it would be like with another partner. The grass is greener syndrome is the idea that there is always something better than what we have.

This constant barrage of commentary is a great exit to being fully in the “relationship game”. Rather than experiencing stability, security and satisfaction in the present environment, the feeling is “there is more and better elsewhere and anything less than ideal won’t do”. This leaves us one foot out the door. Read More

Before the Divorce…

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Before taking the steps to seeking and filing for a divorce, let’s have a look at what is going on and see what the alternative decisions and remedies might be…

Divorce is the failure to resolve the second stage of relationship. Also known as the “power struggle”, this unavoidable, inevitable phase signals the couple is deepening their commitment and making explicit agreements to be there for one another. It occurs when we decide to get married, become engaged, buy a house together, get pregnant, or choose to be exclusive with each other. Having upped the “ante in the relationship”, we become “deep family” for another – resulting in being more sensitive and vulnerable with one another! Read More

Marriage is a Benefit to Your Health!

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It is well documented that people who are happily married live happier, healthier and wealthier lives. They have fewer psychological and physical disorders and have a longer life expectancy.

So, why is the divorce rate so high? Read More

Why do couples wait so long before they seek a marital therapist?

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Ideally, couples would seek help before problems become overwhelming, however, many couples wait up to 6 years before seeking help.

Why the wait when it comes to marital problems……

Many couples feel embarrassed or shy about revealing their problems. Shame is the barrier for not sharing their problems. Feeling bad about themselves, and not being able to work through it on their own, they are in fear of having someone pointing it out to them. That sense of inadequacy heightens…especially for men. The wife may be threatening divorce or separation before his willingness sets in to join her in a therapy office.  When he does, she is often very hurt, filled with resentment and is unwilling to open herself.  He now tries to do everything to preserve their relationship. At this point, her ambivalence may be high and their hope has waned. This last ditch attempt has high stakes and high expectations for this couple adding to their challenges that already exist. Read More